Role Models Today vs. Role Models Past

Every child needs a role model.  Every child should be able to look up to their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and older siblings as such.  Unfortunately, in today's world, they often have to look outside of the family to find someone to emulate and, equally as unfortunately, those people are often as bad as the people they can't rely on, only in different ways.

When I was younger, the world was already a corrupt place.  Let's face it, the 80's-90's eras were not idealistic, no matter how fondly people remember them.  When you compare it to the age my grandparents and parents grew up in, where there were real problems that were faced by people who were barely adults with more grace than any adult now can handle a hang nail, they were the beginning of a downward spiral that continues today.  Society has changed a lot in the past 60 years or so and definitely not for the better.  These changes have made having a role model to look up to extremely difficult.  Instead of it being the grandparent that fought in the war and came back to raise five children with his housewife who only worked when they desperately needed the money, it's now some rapper who can't spell their own name right and has nothing more to talk about than shooting someone for the hell of it or spending money on scantily dressed hoes . . .or the hoes themselves, sadly enough.

Too many parents are on drugs, jobless, and unapologetic for their state of mind for children to want to grow up and be like them.  My parents worked hard for many years and if I have a quarter of their work ethic, I'll be just fine, and that used to be the social norm-parents worked hard to provide for their children and taught them the value of a dollar and how to earn it.  However, now I look around and see how many sloppily dressed, over stuffed, unappreciative, unemployed parents with multiple children who are either malnourished or obese, obnoxious, rude, loud, uncouth, uneducated, and dirty.  My god, bathing your children is like something people expect gold medals for now.  Ugh.  Seriously, soap and water, people!

If children are actually taught to dislike this kind of existence, they end up turning to the wrong kind of role model in their life-given there hasn't been a suitable presented to them and there aren't enough caring citizens in this world who make themselves available to be a role model to a needy child.  They turn to musicians, actors, characters, and people they see with money or fame to be their role models and that is not only unrealistic but also dangerous.  They learn that it's all about money and popularity and not how to rightfully earn either as a good person.

If they aren't taught to be disdainful of the life they've been exposed to, it increases the problem exponentially over time. The children who were raised to be horrible kids become horrible adults who don't know any better than to raise their children in the same way .  . . .so forth and so on. 

The reason why I thought of this is because a man cursed me out in drive through the other day . . .in front of his small grandson . . .because I asked him a perfectly reasonable question.  The first thought that popped in my head was that he was being a terrible role model for his grandson, showing him exactly how not to act in public.  Yes, I have a temper and I am sure that my future children will experience that for themselves and probably pick up on that behavior in time.  It will also be handed down to them genetically from both me and their father, I'm sure.  We're hot heads.  However, there is a way to act in public and there is a series of reasonable steps to take to make sure that the children in your immediate care don't pick up your horrible habits.  Also, you can pretty much take for granted that if I'm thinking you're setting a bad example for the child in your care, so are others.  If you're lucky, said child will think you're being an idiot too, and no better than to act that way, but . . .that all depends on how much outside idiocy they're exposed to. 

All in all, parents should want their children to be inspired and held up by their actions, not to learn how to be freeloaders the rest of their lives or to have to hold their heads down in shame.  Pride, both in self and in the family, should be the most often expressed emotion your children feel when they think of their parents and the way they were raised.

Unaware Parents Are a Pain.

Maybe it is being from a small town that makes me shudder to think of parents letting their children roam around unattended.  Maybe it is watching the news when I have the time to, seeing things online about baby rapists, or just my own over protective mama, but . . .

This weekend my husband and I went to Knoxville for my birthday celebration-we shopped and ate at Applebee's (a first for me and a treat as well because we're both on diets!).  While there I noticed this horrifying trend in mothers old and new alike-not attending to their children in crowded areas.  This has upset me so much for a variety of reasons but it's something I can't just let go-no matter how much my husband wishes I would.

First and foremost, I am not a mother.  I want to be with a passion that consumes my very soul and our every waking moment, but, sadly, I'm not.  Knowing this may make me seem like I'm just one of those people that you hear say "my children will never (insert ridiculous assumption here)" or "when I have kids I will never (see the latter)".  However, I'm hoping that any mother with some good, old fashioned, common sense will agree with me on this list.


Also, I know that pedophiles and kidnappers will take any and every opportunity to pick up your children.  Nothing you can do or say or precaution you can take will eliminate every possible opportunity that they can get.  Some will even go as far as stalking you and your children but that doesn't mean you should just . . .give them an open opportunity.

1. The bathroom is not a safe zone.

This really should be just . . .a no brainer, but letting your child either go in the bathroom by themselves while you sit and eat across a crowded mall food court or stand outside the bathroom door while you go inside isn't acceptable.  It is dangerous.  It is how your children get snatched right out from under your unaware freaking nose, people.  Just because you think "it's just a trip to the bathroom" doesn't mean your greatest fear should be if they washed their hands or not.  If they aren't able to kick, scream, bite, and claw their way to safety or you know . . .see above kneecaps to identify who has them . . .then by all means, accompany them in and out of the bathroom.  No one will think it's weird if you do and it certainly more neglectful not to do so.  I seriously stood outside of the bathroom for five minutes making sure a little girl didn't get snatched because her mother just left her standing there!  There were numerous people going to and from the bathroom but this mom didn't seem concerned at all.  In fact, she had no clue the little girl hadn't followed her in when she came back out. 

2. Just because you think you can hear them . . .

Doesn't mean that it is your kids you're hearing.  You may like to think that, but when you turn a screaming child loose to run ahead of or behind you in a crowded restaurant rather than carry their crying butts because it's easier on you and your ears . . .there's no guarantee that the sounds of children around you are yours.  No one is trustworthy, even people you see on a daily basis, so why are you letting them go, turning loose of their hands, setting them down to run ahead of you where you can't see them?  You're basing it on the fact that you can hear them but seriously?  One child's voice is not that discernible from another's.  It's not.  Sorry.

3.  Pedophiles still exist, your child is still not safe.

Just recently there was a news story about a man raping a baby . . .a four month old baby.  Do people not read the news anymore?  Do they not pay attention to the moral-less world we live in?  Pedophilia isn't a passing trend, it still exists.  No child is completely safe just because you think it can't possibly happen to your family.

I know you can't limit everything your children do but . . .use a little bit of that paranoid, mommy freak out instinct that you had when they were first born.  Keep your eyes and ears open for things that don't feel right and always have your children in a reasonable amount of distance from you. This also doesn't mean turning them loose in Wal-Mart with a couple of dollars to go find a toy to occupy them while you work is a good idea.  Just because you work there doesn't make it a safe area. 

4.  Do trust other mothers.

If they are picking their kids up and moving away from a situation or sticking close by their children, do it too.  There is a reason (that maternal instinct we just talked about) that they are doing so.  Whether it's the shady guy in the food court or just an uneasy feeling, they're protecting their babies, so you should too.  Dismissing them as just being paranoid may turn out to be a costly mistake.


5.  Baby leashes do not make you less responsible for what happens to your kids.

These things aren't a free pass to not keep an eye out.  In fact, in my opinion, they create lazy parenting.  You should be able to take your child with you without having to tie them to you.  If you have to use them (your hands are going to be full, you know you're going to be distracted, or you just feel better having one on them), then don't use it as an excuse to not be aware of what your kid is doing.  Still pay attention because that weight on the end of that leash is precious cargo.  By the way, kids are creative and intuitive and will find a way out of those uncomfortable harnesses if given half a second to do so.  Have a back up plan.

6. Have a back up plan.

Yes, I know I just said that but after writing it, I felt like it needed a point all of it's own.  Your child is hungry, they are cranky, they are bored, and you still have ten stores you want to go into and lunch to grab . . .have a back up plan.  Such as:  that pretzel place over there is cheap and has a play area.  Maybe my precious one would feel better after a snack and a tumble down the slide a few times.  Plus it has seats where I can rest my tired arms and legs and gather my wits from shopping overload.  How about that?  Turn them loose in a confined, control area, keep an eye on them, and  maybe it will be a little less stressful in the next few stores. You'll be less likely to let them run wild and they'll be less likely to try to.  Also that play area is far away from the crowded food court and near enough to the doors that you can pick up and go if you need to (at least in the mall I'm talking about. . .maybe your mall doesn't have this but I'm sure it has something else kid friendly).

7.  Care less about others, more about your kid.

I know that sounded harsh but . . .who cares if your kid's screaming is getting on my nerves?  Don't care what I think, care about a). what is making your kid scream?  b).  what is a reasonable solution to the problem?  Letting your child down to run around isn't reasonable because they are small and faster than you.   Try bringing them a toy or a blanket or something else to comfort them and they'll be less likely to try to squirm away from you or cause a ruckus that has you embarrassed enough to give in.

8.  If I'm noticing your neglectful actions, so are others.

I know this contradicts my previous point but there are certain others that you should worry about.
This includes:  the person who wants to pick up your kid and run and the person who can legally take your kids from you.  If either of them find the opportunity to do so, they will.  This is the perfect reason to be more careful about your children.   If your children's safety isn't your top concern (why?!) then at least let the way the world views you be.  Be worried that someone thinks you're a bad parent for leaving them on their own for longer than necessary and reports you as such.  Think being in a big city and no one knowing you is a safety net?  Nope, all they need is your tag number on your car to report you. 

9.  Being lazy isn't an excuse.

Yes, over weight mom of three who lets her three kids run ahead of her for ten minutes in a crowded restaurant because she simply couldn't keep up this applies to you.  If you cannot keep up with three kids, do not bring all three with you.  Do not endanger their lives because you are too lazy to move around some.  If you are getting winded walking across a restaurant there is no reason why you should have three active kids with you.  Only bring the ones you can attend to.

That isn't an option, you say?  Then don't stop to eat in a crowded restaurant.  Get food to go and take them to a park.  Get food to go and take them home.  Bring your husband or a friend who can help you and carry your small children.  The effort of holding them can be counted as exercise if you need it to, but risking your children's lives isn't excused by the fact that you are lazy.

I say this because I saw the same scenario at the Applebee's we went to.  A mother, easily twice my size (and that is big, people.  I am no tiny tot.), had her three small children there.  One was still in diapers and Stride right first walking shoes!  All three were practically running ahead of her and were seated where the hostess was patiently waiting on her a full five minutes before the mother huffed and puffed her way to the table.  In fact, the littlest girl fell, hit her head, and bawled while another man picked her up and put her in a high chair all before the mother got there.  I'm sorry, but . . .that's inexcusable.  The man could have just as easily snatched her and ran.  Why does this not occur to people?

Again, I know it is really easy for me to be judgmental because I don't have kids but . . .I have always been the kind of person to freak out over other people's kids.  If they get hurt in my presence, I console and comfort.  If they are sick, I offer anything I can to the parents to make the children feel better.  I am a bit of a creeper about kids too.  I will keep as close of an eye on a kid as their parents because I cannot imagine surviving the pain of having a kid and something happening to them.  Two sets of eyes are better than none, correct?  That's why some parents' (amazingly, all instances this weekend were mothers!) inability or unwillingness to keep a closer eye on their children bothers me.