Politically Correct Bull

Growing up in the South, things are said and done that could never be called "politically correct."  I've been insulted and put down most of my life by people who had no room to talk.  Of course, no one is perfect so no one has the room to talk about anyone else.  Least of all, no one has a right to judge anyone on things they can't help: weight, skin color, health problems, mental capabilities.

However, you have to also consider that people make mistakes and have bad days.  Things are said in anger and fear that people wouldn't say normally.  No one has a right to judge you on the things you say during those moments.  Those words aren't an indication of a person's personality or how they think toward another person. They're simply a reaction to a stressful situation.

Now what I'm really talking about is this:  Recently the Food Network fired Paula Dean because she, one time years ago in an extremely stressful situation, used the "N word."  First of all, who cares?  I'm sure every person on this planet has said a word they weren't proud of, especially out of anger or fear.  She's not God, she's not a role model, she's a human being who should be allowed to make mistakes without losing her job over it. 

Secondly, how is this word offensive in today's world?  When you have rappers and so called musicians of color who call themselves this word every other breath, why would anyone else take offense to it? I understand that's kind of like my "I can call myself fat, but no one else better do it" feeling but here's the thing: she wasn't trying to insult a race of people, she wasn't trying to hurt someone. She was reacting.  I'm sure she's been called names before, but you don't see her demanding those people lose their jobs over it.  I'm not saying that any person did demand that, I'm saying that she shouldn't be held up to any standard greater than that of any other person.

Thirdly, how does this effect her ability to do her job, therefore making it the Food Network's business?  Oh, that's right, it doesn't!  Imagine that.  She said something years ago, she apologized for it . . .that doesn't effect her ability to boil a pot of water or smear butter on a turkey.  That's what Food Network pays for her to do.  I'm sure people realize she's southern and grew up in a southern world, where racism was (and sometimes still is) a social norm.  Should she have known better than to call a person a bad name?  Sure, but so should tens of thousands of other adults who do it on a daily basis.  The fact of the matter is that manners are a thing of the past in a lot of families and social graces are almost obsolete.  The fact that she apologized for what she said (albeit maybe years later) is far more than what many adults in the South would have done.

With all this, I have to say I'm not a fan of Paula Dean's show.  Her Southern "charm"  seems a little too fake to me.  I grew up and live in the South.  I don't have an accent, I don't slur my words, and I'm not uneducated.  For her to appear to be any of these things, or imply that other people in the South are by default, is a little annoying.  In fact, I cringe every time I hear her say "y'all".  However, some of the down home country dishes I find her in cook books remind me of things my granny used to cook.  I like her cook books, her recipes, and her cookware, but I'm not a fan of the show.  If I can watch it on mute, then I'm good. 

Paula Dean has made the Food Network a more popular channel all by herself (yes, I realize there are other shows on there but you have to admit that she is, by far, the most popular) and shouldn't have been fired for a mistake from years ago that she apologized for.  Unless one of the CEO's could identify with what she said and felt insulted, it really shouldn't have been anyone else's business.  Personally, I hope she finds some way to make the Food Network pay for their "politically correct" injustice.

Etiquette for Going Through Drive-Thru, Vol 2: All about the money, money . . .

Alright, since it seems like there are way more pet peeves about public service than I realized, I decided to compile another list of them.  These are more than just pet peeves, though: the rude, the crude, and just the senseless of things that I see specifically at the cashier's window.

1. Your body parts are not wallets, people.

This means money does not go in your socks, under sweat bands around wrists, and (ladies!) not under your breasts. You sweat.  You reek.  You get your money sweaty and stinky and then I have to touch it.  Imagine me wiping my sweaty pits on money and handing it to you.  Disgusting right?  Well, it's the same concept. 

Now, that being said . . .here's a logical part 2.

2. Money in mouth=

People's booby sweat and feet funk in your mouth.  Yeah.  Great image right?  That twenty dollar bill you stuck in your mouth and then handed to me was probably under some overweight Nascar-wife's boobs.  Ick and Ew. Not only that but why are you putting money in your mouth?  I have pockets, I have a purse, and I have two hands.  If at any time these places aren't available for money-holding purposes, I will lay my money down before putting it in my mouth.  Money is dirty.  Your mouth isn't clean to begin with.  I don't want your germs on top of the sweaty booby germs.

3. I don't make the prices. 

Seriously, I don't.  I simply take your money.  The prices are on the menu.  Read them, look at the money in your pocket (or mouth . . .ugh), do the mental math.  Hell, break out the calculator if you really need to, but bitching at me for the price of something will not make the price change.  Trust me, if you're paying $1.50 for a Coke, chances are I am too.  If I had the power to change that for you, why wouldn't I change it for myself? 

Going with that is number 4.

4. I don't make you pay for this stuff.

Again, I have no control over this.  If you want to order a Nonfat Sugar Free Vanilla Latte with extra espresso, then that's what you're going to pay for.  I'm not twisting your arm and making you pay for these things, so quit glaring at me and acting snotty when you pull up to the window.  Joke's on you, guys, cause you're doing this to yourself.  If you don't like the long line, the prices, the way the greeting at the speaker sounds, no one is forcing you to eat fast food everyday.

5. Ads don't dictate every price in every store in a franchise.

Oh, drinks are advertised for $1.00? The ad says "at participating locations"?  Guess what?  We're not participating. I, again, cannot control that.  If you would, once again, read the menu before ordering you would see that.  The prices aren't in some foreign language. Also, just because you see it for a dollar in Knoxville or Barbourville doesn't mean I'm automatically supposed to give them to you for that price.  Guess what else? I can't.  The buttons are preprogrammed and I can't change it. 

6. If you short change me, I have to pay.

You dumping your money on the ground on "accident" isn't as funny as you think. Neither is half-ass counting your change, tossing it in at me, and driving off.  Once the shortages reach a certain amount, they have to come out of my paycheck.  That crap adds up and I really don't want to buy your breakfast.  If I did, I'd offer.

7. Yes, the toys are cheap, but they're free.

I know that sounds weird.  Here's the deal.  Go to McD's and buy a 4-piece nugget, small fry, and small drink. It will cost you more than the price of a happy meal. This means that when you put it in a happy meal, yes, you're getting the toy free.  The toy is cheaply made, but it's not supposed to be made to last.  It's just supposed to be something that pacifies and coaxes your children into eating.  And yes, if you come multiple times in a week, you'll get the same toy but if you bring it back to me or another worker, we can try to exchange it for you.

Once again, if I offended someone, oops! 

Etiquette for Going Through a Drive-Thru, Vol. 1.

As a drive-thru worker, I see and hear things that could be considered pet peeves . . .and then there are the things that are just down right rude.  It used to shock me that people were just this inconsiderate and lacking in manners and now it just ticks me off. So here are some things that people need to be aware of:

1. Put down the cell phone.

Seriously, put it down.  It may take you a total of 2 minutes to order.  The conversation you're having cannot possibly be so important that you can't put the phone down and order.  You screaming, talking, and having a conversation instead of ordering just holds up the line and causes the order-taker to get screamed out because you're talking instead of ordering. Not just that, but I know I have become incredibly privy to information I just do not need to know. That mute button only works on your end, guys, not mine.

2. If you don't know what you want . . .come inside.

There is this happy option of being to stand and stare at the inside menu for as long as you want.  No one will rush you and no one will care if you read the menu fifteen times.  However, in drive thru, you are slowing down the process of speedy service and that's the whole point.  Why even go through there if you don't know what you want?

3. You have to pay, act like you know this.

Your money doesn't disappear once you get in the drive thru lane.  You do not get your food for free at any time.  You have plenty of time to dig out your money before you get there, while you're ordering, and waiting in line.  Waiting until you get to the cashier's window and picking through dirty pennies is just . . .infuriating and rude.  Quit it.

Also, if your card is declined for whatever reason, me running it again is definitely not going to help. Getting mad at me does not help, either.  There's nothing I can do if you have no money.  If you don't have money, don't order.

4. Your bad day isn't our problem, don't change that.

Screaming at your kids, your spouse, your co-worker either in my ear or in my face suddenly makes me want to make your bad day worse.  If you want to talk about your bad day, I'll be more than happy to listen but presenting it to me in an auditory nightmare makes you seem like the bad person in all scenarios.   Cause I'd be mean to you or make your day miserable if I had to listen to yelling and screaming all day long too.

5. Your children shouldn't get a choice.

Okay, people might disagree with this one but if your children are still in elementary school . . .why are you giving them a choice in what they are eating?  You're the parents, you make the decisions on what they eat, not them.  Just because you're shoveling fast food in their mouths on a daily basis doesn't mean you need to let them dictate what junk they eat. Screaming at them because they won't make up their minds won't make them suddenly old enough to do so.  If you feel like you must give them a choice, limit the options: "orange drink or milk? . . .nuggets or hamburger?" Not saying "what do you want?"

6. The drive-thru lane isn't a trash can.

Your ashes will go in my face if you flick them out the window.  If you pour your left over soda out, bees will be attracted and will probably come in my window.  If you throw your cups and trash out, someone has to clean it up.  Yes, they get paid to clean up the lot but get real, folks.  They aren't your personal maids.  There are trash cans every few parking spots.  Throw your trash in there.

7.  Windshield wipers aren't magic.

The water must go somewhere.  If you have them on high, the water will most probably splatter right in my face.  Scratch that: the water does go right in my face.  Don't be a moron and think they are like little towels or dryers and the water just evaporates.  Don't make the lady at the window look at you like you're said moron and just turn the off when you get to the window. 

8.  Your screaming children aren't precious.

Granted, you may think so, but no one else does.  Just because you're in your car doesn't mean I can't hear them.  I don't want to hear them.  Sure, I know some kids cry for no reason.  I get that you can't always control that, but if you can't hear me over them and vice versa, pull out of line until they calm down.  Yelling back at them . . . well, see number 4.

9. Dually trucks, diesel trucks, loud motors, and boats are annoying.

Really annoying and really inconsiderate.  If you're not a farmer (or rancher), why are you even driving one of those trucks to begin with?  And don't act like you don't know that A).  They're effing loud and B). You aren't capable of speaking over them.  Shut the motor off or park and come in.

Boats make me want to scream.  If you can't drive with a boat, don't come through drive-thru with a boat.  Even if you can, just . . .don't.  They take up room that other cars could be in and they mess up our speakers.  Again, park it.

So that's it. really.  I will probably think of more things being as I'm working on my long stretch before a long weekend and I work the drive-thru everyday this week.  Now, I know some of it was harsh but it needed to be said. . .for the sake of my sanity.

Sunday Sermons

"Sunday, damn Sunday."
-Bus Driver (Petals in the Wind, V.C. Andrews)

I have a love for all things beautiful and nothing is more beautiful than a little old lady dressed up for Sunday sermon, with a Bible tattered and faded from years of reading, and carting her multitude of grandchildren behind her.  It makes me wish we still lived in a time when she'd have them tied to her with a piece of string, walking down the road to church.  Instead, her string has turned into a mini-van, and they're fighting over what kind of biscuit they want their granny to buy them at the drive-thru.  Even that can't take away from the beauty that is years of hardcore faith and resilience. 

That being said . . .

"Sunday, damn Sunday."  The day when the hypocrites that put Granny to shame come out in droves.  I'm sorry, but if you party all weekend, come through my window smelling of alcohol and looking blitzed out of all comprehension, please don't post things about being "blessed" on Sunday.  You are not blessed.  You are making a mockery of Christianity.

Yes, I understand that it isn't our place to judge but one has to wonder what kind of message this sends to other people.  Such as "I can do what I want Monday-Saturday and act like a saint on Sunday."  No, no, you can't.  I'm calling you out on it, right now. It's when you aren't ashamed of your religion Monday-Saturday and can walk in to a Sunday sermon knowing that you haven't been living a lie that you'll really be blessed-crying like a baby, singing, shouting, rejoicing Grandma blessed.

For the sake of the never-doubting grandmas who spend hours a week praying with faithful hope, for the years spent carting your dirty, rotten butts to church every Sunday, just . . .stop.