Thinspiration Vs. Reality

The two pictures above are . . .almost completely unrelated if you take out the fact that they are both beautiful women in bathing suits.  When I say beautiful, I mean in their own ways, though the pictures are both very striking. However, what I want to talk about is Thinspiration Vs. Reality.

Thinspiration is this trend going on online and in the real world where pictures of sickly thin women with "cut" abs have words that supposed to inspire someone to either work out or starve themselves.  The thing is, often more times than not, the women in the pictures are models or athletes who have bodies that aren't realistic . . .such as the woman in the first picture, which is by far not the worst I've ever seen.  Yes, she's a beautiful woman, but her body isn't easily attainable by most women without physically harming themselves or being born naturally pretty thin.  While it's good to want to be in shape, these ridiculous photos are harmful to women and young girl's mental and emotional health and should be banned and taken down.   I know that being a hefty young lady, these photos almost make me ill to look at and sometimes the quotes are just . . .judgmental and deprecating.

Reality is that as long as one is healthy and feels confident in their body that having a thigh gap, collarbones that make you look like a holocaust victim, and an 18 inch waist is unhealthy both physically and mentally.  I'm at a little over 200 lbs.  I'm not healthy.  I'm not hideous but I'm not gorgeous either.  The second picture is my ideal body frame for who I am.  That is my "thinspiration", not some unrealistic model with bones poking out obscenely and some crappy quote printed on it.  Those words do not inspire me and they do not deflect me from my goal. 

For any woman who feels like they need to lose a pound, or ten, or 100, I beg that you don't give into the peer pressure of "thinspiration" and that you lose the weight as I hope to do: gradually, healthily, and because you want to, not because society pressures you to do so.

Role Models Today vs. Role Models Past

Every child needs a role model.  Every child should be able to look up to their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and older siblings as such.  Unfortunately, in today's world, they often have to look outside of the family to find someone to emulate and, equally as unfortunately, those people are often as bad as the people they can't rely on, only in different ways.

When I was younger, the world was already a corrupt place.  Let's face it, the 80's-90's eras were not idealistic, no matter how fondly people remember them.  When you compare it to the age my grandparents and parents grew up in, where there were real problems that were faced by people who were barely adults with more grace than any adult now can handle a hang nail, they were the beginning of a downward spiral that continues today.  Society has changed a lot in the past 60 years or so and definitely not for the better.  These changes have made having a role model to look up to extremely difficult.  Instead of it being the grandparent that fought in the war and came back to raise five children with his housewife who only worked when they desperately needed the money, it's now some rapper who can't spell their own name right and has nothing more to talk about than shooting someone for the hell of it or spending money on scantily dressed hoes . . .or the hoes themselves, sadly enough.

Too many parents are on drugs, jobless, and unapologetic for their state of mind for children to want to grow up and be like them.  My parents worked hard for many years and if I have a quarter of their work ethic, I'll be just fine, and that used to be the social norm-parents worked hard to provide for their children and taught them the value of a dollar and how to earn it.  However, now I look around and see how many sloppily dressed, over stuffed, unappreciative, unemployed parents with multiple children who are either malnourished or obese, obnoxious, rude, loud, uncouth, uneducated, and dirty.  My god, bathing your children is like something people expect gold medals for now.  Ugh.  Seriously, soap and water, people!

If children are actually taught to dislike this kind of existence, they end up turning to the wrong kind of role model in their life-given there hasn't been a suitable presented to them and there aren't enough caring citizens in this world who make themselves available to be a role model to a needy child.  They turn to musicians, actors, characters, and people they see with money or fame to be their role models and that is not only unrealistic but also dangerous.  They learn that it's all about money and popularity and not how to rightfully earn either as a good person.

If they aren't taught to be disdainful of the life they've been exposed to, it increases the problem exponentially over time. The children who were raised to be horrible kids become horrible adults who don't know any better than to raise their children in the same way .  . . .so forth and so on. 

The reason why I thought of this is because a man cursed me out in drive through the other day . . .in front of his small grandson . . .because I asked him a perfectly reasonable question.  The first thought that popped in my head was that he was being a terrible role model for his grandson, showing him exactly how not to act in public.  Yes, I have a temper and I am sure that my future children will experience that for themselves and probably pick up on that behavior in time.  It will also be handed down to them genetically from both me and their father, I'm sure.  We're hot heads.  However, there is a way to act in public and there is a series of reasonable steps to take to make sure that the children in your immediate care don't pick up your horrible habits.  Also, you can pretty much take for granted that if I'm thinking you're setting a bad example for the child in your care, so are others.  If you're lucky, said child will think you're being an idiot too, and no better than to act that way, but . . .that all depends on how much outside idiocy they're exposed to. 

All in all, parents should want their children to be inspired and held up by their actions, not to learn how to be freeloaders the rest of their lives or to have to hold their heads down in shame.  Pride, both in self and in the family, should be the most often expressed emotion your children feel when they think of their parents and the way they were raised.

Unaware Parents Are a Pain.

Maybe it is being from a small town that makes me shudder to think of parents letting their children roam around unattended.  Maybe it is watching the news when I have the time to, seeing things online about baby rapists, or just my own over protective mama, but . . .

This weekend my husband and I went to Knoxville for my birthday celebration-we shopped and ate at Applebee's (a first for me and a treat as well because we're both on diets!).  While there I noticed this horrifying trend in mothers old and new alike-not attending to their children in crowded areas.  This has upset me so much for a variety of reasons but it's something I can't just let go-no matter how much my husband wishes I would.

First and foremost, I am not a mother.  I want to be with a passion that consumes my very soul and our every waking moment, but, sadly, I'm not.  Knowing this may make me seem like I'm just one of those people that you hear say "my children will never (insert ridiculous assumption here)" or "when I have kids I will never (see the latter)".  However, I'm hoping that any mother with some good, old fashioned, common sense will agree with me on this list.


Also, I know that pedophiles and kidnappers will take any and every opportunity to pick up your children.  Nothing you can do or say or precaution you can take will eliminate every possible opportunity that they can get.  Some will even go as far as stalking you and your children but that doesn't mean you should just . . .give them an open opportunity.

1. The bathroom is not a safe zone.

This really should be just . . .a no brainer, but letting your child either go in the bathroom by themselves while you sit and eat across a crowded mall food court or stand outside the bathroom door while you go inside isn't acceptable.  It is dangerous.  It is how your children get snatched right out from under your unaware freaking nose, people.  Just because you think "it's just a trip to the bathroom" doesn't mean your greatest fear should be if they washed their hands or not.  If they aren't able to kick, scream, bite, and claw their way to safety or you know . . .see above kneecaps to identify who has them . . .then by all means, accompany them in and out of the bathroom.  No one will think it's weird if you do and it certainly more neglectful not to do so.  I seriously stood outside of the bathroom for five minutes making sure a little girl didn't get snatched because her mother just left her standing there!  There were numerous people going to and from the bathroom but this mom didn't seem concerned at all.  In fact, she had no clue the little girl hadn't followed her in when she came back out. 

2. Just because you think you can hear them . . .

Doesn't mean that it is your kids you're hearing.  You may like to think that, but when you turn a screaming child loose to run ahead of or behind you in a crowded restaurant rather than carry their crying butts because it's easier on you and your ears . . .there's no guarantee that the sounds of children around you are yours.  No one is trustworthy, even people you see on a daily basis, so why are you letting them go, turning loose of their hands, setting them down to run ahead of you where you can't see them?  You're basing it on the fact that you can hear them but seriously?  One child's voice is not that discernible from another's.  It's not.  Sorry.

3.  Pedophiles still exist, your child is still not safe.

Just recently there was a news story about a man raping a baby . . .a four month old baby.  Do people not read the news anymore?  Do they not pay attention to the moral-less world we live in?  Pedophilia isn't a passing trend, it still exists.  No child is completely safe just because you think it can't possibly happen to your family.

I know you can't limit everything your children do but . . .use a little bit of that paranoid, mommy freak out instinct that you had when they were first born.  Keep your eyes and ears open for things that don't feel right and always have your children in a reasonable amount of distance from you. This also doesn't mean turning them loose in Wal-Mart with a couple of dollars to go find a toy to occupy them while you work is a good idea.  Just because you work there doesn't make it a safe area. 

4.  Do trust other mothers.

If they are picking their kids up and moving away from a situation or sticking close by their children, do it too.  There is a reason (that maternal instinct we just talked about) that they are doing so.  Whether it's the shady guy in the food court or just an uneasy feeling, they're protecting their babies, so you should too.  Dismissing them as just being paranoid may turn out to be a costly mistake.


5.  Baby leashes do not make you less responsible for what happens to your kids.

These things aren't a free pass to not keep an eye out.  In fact, in my opinion, they create lazy parenting.  You should be able to take your child with you without having to tie them to you.  If you have to use them (your hands are going to be full, you know you're going to be distracted, or you just feel better having one on them), then don't use it as an excuse to not be aware of what your kid is doing.  Still pay attention because that weight on the end of that leash is precious cargo.  By the way, kids are creative and intuitive and will find a way out of those uncomfortable harnesses if given half a second to do so.  Have a back up plan.

6. Have a back up plan.

Yes, I know I just said that but after writing it, I felt like it needed a point all of it's own.  Your child is hungry, they are cranky, they are bored, and you still have ten stores you want to go into and lunch to grab . . .have a back up plan.  Such as:  that pretzel place over there is cheap and has a play area.  Maybe my precious one would feel better after a snack and a tumble down the slide a few times.  Plus it has seats where I can rest my tired arms and legs and gather my wits from shopping overload.  How about that?  Turn them loose in a confined, control area, keep an eye on them, and  maybe it will be a little less stressful in the next few stores. You'll be less likely to let them run wild and they'll be less likely to try to.  Also that play area is far away from the crowded food court and near enough to the doors that you can pick up and go if you need to (at least in the mall I'm talking about. . .maybe your mall doesn't have this but I'm sure it has something else kid friendly).

7.  Care less about others, more about your kid.

I know that sounded harsh but . . .who cares if your kid's screaming is getting on my nerves?  Don't care what I think, care about a). what is making your kid scream?  b).  what is a reasonable solution to the problem?  Letting your child down to run around isn't reasonable because they are small and faster than you.   Try bringing them a toy or a blanket or something else to comfort them and they'll be less likely to try to squirm away from you or cause a ruckus that has you embarrassed enough to give in.

8.  If I'm noticing your neglectful actions, so are others.

I know this contradicts my previous point but there are certain others that you should worry about.
This includes:  the person who wants to pick up your kid and run and the person who can legally take your kids from you.  If either of them find the opportunity to do so, they will.  This is the perfect reason to be more careful about your children.   If your children's safety isn't your top concern (why?!) then at least let the way the world views you be.  Be worried that someone thinks you're a bad parent for leaving them on their own for longer than necessary and reports you as such.  Think being in a big city and no one knowing you is a safety net?  Nope, all they need is your tag number on your car to report you. 

9.  Being lazy isn't an excuse.

Yes, over weight mom of three who lets her three kids run ahead of her for ten minutes in a crowded restaurant because she simply couldn't keep up this applies to you.  If you cannot keep up with three kids, do not bring all three with you.  Do not endanger their lives because you are too lazy to move around some.  If you are getting winded walking across a restaurant there is no reason why you should have three active kids with you.  Only bring the ones you can attend to.

That isn't an option, you say?  Then don't stop to eat in a crowded restaurant.  Get food to go and take them to a park.  Get food to go and take them home.  Bring your husband or a friend who can help you and carry your small children.  The effort of holding them can be counted as exercise if you need it to, but risking your children's lives isn't excused by the fact that you are lazy.

I say this because I saw the same scenario at the Applebee's we went to.  A mother, easily twice my size (and that is big, people.  I am no tiny tot.), had her three small children there.  One was still in diapers and Stride right first walking shoes!  All three were practically running ahead of her and were seated where the hostess was patiently waiting on her a full five minutes before the mother huffed and puffed her way to the table.  In fact, the littlest girl fell, hit her head, and bawled while another man picked her up and put her in a high chair all before the mother got there.  I'm sorry, but . . .that's inexcusable.  The man could have just as easily snatched her and ran.  Why does this not occur to people?

Again, I know it is really easy for me to be judgmental because I don't have kids but . . .I have always been the kind of person to freak out over other people's kids.  If they get hurt in my presence, I console and comfort.  If they are sick, I offer anything I can to the parents to make the children feel better.  I am a bit of a creeper about kids too.  I will keep as close of an eye on a kid as their parents because I cannot imagine surviving the pain of having a kid and something happening to them.  Two sets of eyes are better than none, correct?  That's why some parents' (amazingly, all instances this weekend were mothers!) inability or unwillingness to keep a closer eye on their children bothers me.

Politically Correct Bull

Growing up in the South, things are said and done that could never be called "politically correct."  I've been insulted and put down most of my life by people who had no room to talk.  Of course, no one is perfect so no one has the room to talk about anyone else.  Least of all, no one has a right to judge anyone on things they can't help: weight, skin color, health problems, mental capabilities.

However, you have to also consider that people make mistakes and have bad days.  Things are said in anger and fear that people wouldn't say normally.  No one has a right to judge you on the things you say during those moments.  Those words aren't an indication of a person's personality or how they think toward another person. They're simply a reaction to a stressful situation.

Now what I'm really talking about is this:  Recently the Food Network fired Paula Dean because she, one time years ago in an extremely stressful situation, used the "N word."  First of all, who cares?  I'm sure every person on this planet has said a word they weren't proud of, especially out of anger or fear.  She's not God, she's not a role model, she's a human being who should be allowed to make mistakes without losing her job over it. 

Secondly, how is this word offensive in today's world?  When you have rappers and so called musicians of color who call themselves this word every other breath, why would anyone else take offense to it? I understand that's kind of like my "I can call myself fat, but no one else better do it" feeling but here's the thing: she wasn't trying to insult a race of people, she wasn't trying to hurt someone. She was reacting.  I'm sure she's been called names before, but you don't see her demanding those people lose their jobs over it.  I'm not saying that any person did demand that, I'm saying that she shouldn't be held up to any standard greater than that of any other person.

Thirdly, how does this effect her ability to do her job, therefore making it the Food Network's business?  Oh, that's right, it doesn't!  Imagine that.  She said something years ago, she apologized for it . . .that doesn't effect her ability to boil a pot of water or smear butter on a turkey.  That's what Food Network pays for her to do.  I'm sure people realize she's southern and grew up in a southern world, where racism was (and sometimes still is) a social norm.  Should she have known better than to call a person a bad name?  Sure, but so should tens of thousands of other adults who do it on a daily basis.  The fact of the matter is that manners are a thing of the past in a lot of families and social graces are almost obsolete.  The fact that she apologized for what she said (albeit maybe years later) is far more than what many adults in the South would have done.

With all this, I have to say I'm not a fan of Paula Dean's show.  Her Southern "charm"  seems a little too fake to me.  I grew up and live in the South.  I don't have an accent, I don't slur my words, and I'm not uneducated.  For her to appear to be any of these things, or imply that other people in the South are by default, is a little annoying.  In fact, I cringe every time I hear her say "y'all".  However, some of the down home country dishes I find her in cook books remind me of things my granny used to cook.  I like her cook books, her recipes, and her cookware, but I'm not a fan of the show.  If I can watch it on mute, then I'm good. 

Paula Dean has made the Food Network a more popular channel all by herself (yes, I realize there are other shows on there but you have to admit that she is, by far, the most popular) and shouldn't have been fired for a mistake from years ago that she apologized for.  Unless one of the CEO's could identify with what she said and felt insulted, it really shouldn't have been anyone else's business.  Personally, I hope she finds some way to make the Food Network pay for their "politically correct" injustice.

Etiquette for Going Through Drive-Thru, Vol 2: All about the money, money . . .

Alright, since it seems like there are way more pet peeves about public service than I realized, I decided to compile another list of them.  These are more than just pet peeves, though: the rude, the crude, and just the senseless of things that I see specifically at the cashier's window.

1. Your body parts are not wallets, people.

This means money does not go in your socks, under sweat bands around wrists, and (ladies!) not under your breasts. You sweat.  You reek.  You get your money sweaty and stinky and then I have to touch it.  Imagine me wiping my sweaty pits on money and handing it to you.  Disgusting right?  Well, it's the same concept. 

Now, that being said . . .here's a logical part 2.

2. Money in mouth=

People's booby sweat and feet funk in your mouth.  Yeah.  Great image right?  That twenty dollar bill you stuck in your mouth and then handed to me was probably under some overweight Nascar-wife's boobs.  Ick and Ew. Not only that but why are you putting money in your mouth?  I have pockets, I have a purse, and I have two hands.  If at any time these places aren't available for money-holding purposes, I will lay my money down before putting it in my mouth.  Money is dirty.  Your mouth isn't clean to begin with.  I don't want your germs on top of the sweaty booby germs.

3. I don't make the prices. 

Seriously, I don't.  I simply take your money.  The prices are on the menu.  Read them, look at the money in your pocket (or mouth . . .ugh), do the mental math.  Hell, break out the calculator if you really need to, but bitching at me for the price of something will not make the price change.  Trust me, if you're paying $1.50 for a Coke, chances are I am too.  If I had the power to change that for you, why wouldn't I change it for myself? 

Going with that is number 4.

4. I don't make you pay for this stuff.

Again, I have no control over this.  If you want to order a Nonfat Sugar Free Vanilla Latte with extra espresso, then that's what you're going to pay for.  I'm not twisting your arm and making you pay for these things, so quit glaring at me and acting snotty when you pull up to the window.  Joke's on you, guys, cause you're doing this to yourself.  If you don't like the long line, the prices, the way the greeting at the speaker sounds, no one is forcing you to eat fast food everyday.

5. Ads don't dictate every price in every store in a franchise.

Oh, drinks are advertised for $1.00? The ad says "at participating locations"?  Guess what?  We're not participating. I, again, cannot control that.  If you would, once again, read the menu before ordering you would see that.  The prices aren't in some foreign language. Also, just because you see it for a dollar in Knoxville or Barbourville doesn't mean I'm automatically supposed to give them to you for that price.  Guess what else? I can't.  The buttons are preprogrammed and I can't change it. 

6. If you short change me, I have to pay.

You dumping your money on the ground on "accident" isn't as funny as you think. Neither is half-ass counting your change, tossing it in at me, and driving off.  Once the shortages reach a certain amount, they have to come out of my paycheck.  That crap adds up and I really don't want to buy your breakfast.  If I did, I'd offer.

7. Yes, the toys are cheap, but they're free.

I know that sounds weird.  Here's the deal.  Go to McD's and buy a 4-piece nugget, small fry, and small drink. It will cost you more than the price of a happy meal. This means that when you put it in a happy meal, yes, you're getting the toy free.  The toy is cheaply made, but it's not supposed to be made to last.  It's just supposed to be something that pacifies and coaxes your children into eating.  And yes, if you come multiple times in a week, you'll get the same toy but if you bring it back to me or another worker, we can try to exchange it for you.

Once again, if I offended someone, oops! 

Etiquette for Going Through a Drive-Thru, Vol. 1.

As a drive-thru worker, I see and hear things that could be considered pet peeves . . .and then there are the things that are just down right rude.  It used to shock me that people were just this inconsiderate and lacking in manners and now it just ticks me off. So here are some things that people need to be aware of:

1. Put down the cell phone.

Seriously, put it down.  It may take you a total of 2 minutes to order.  The conversation you're having cannot possibly be so important that you can't put the phone down and order.  You screaming, talking, and having a conversation instead of ordering just holds up the line and causes the order-taker to get screamed out because you're talking instead of ordering. Not just that, but I know I have become incredibly privy to information I just do not need to know. That mute button only works on your end, guys, not mine.

2. If you don't know what you want . . .come inside.

There is this happy option of being to stand and stare at the inside menu for as long as you want.  No one will rush you and no one will care if you read the menu fifteen times.  However, in drive thru, you are slowing down the process of speedy service and that's the whole point.  Why even go through there if you don't know what you want?

3. You have to pay, act like you know this.

Your money doesn't disappear once you get in the drive thru lane.  You do not get your food for free at any time.  You have plenty of time to dig out your money before you get there, while you're ordering, and waiting in line.  Waiting until you get to the cashier's window and picking through dirty pennies is just . . .infuriating and rude.  Quit it.

Also, if your card is declined for whatever reason, me running it again is definitely not going to help. Getting mad at me does not help, either.  There's nothing I can do if you have no money.  If you don't have money, don't order.

4. Your bad day isn't our problem, don't change that.

Screaming at your kids, your spouse, your co-worker either in my ear or in my face suddenly makes me want to make your bad day worse.  If you want to talk about your bad day, I'll be more than happy to listen but presenting it to me in an auditory nightmare makes you seem like the bad person in all scenarios.   Cause I'd be mean to you or make your day miserable if I had to listen to yelling and screaming all day long too.

5. Your children shouldn't get a choice.

Okay, people might disagree with this one but if your children are still in elementary school . . .why are you giving them a choice in what they are eating?  You're the parents, you make the decisions on what they eat, not them.  Just because you're shoveling fast food in their mouths on a daily basis doesn't mean you need to let them dictate what junk they eat. Screaming at them because they won't make up their minds won't make them suddenly old enough to do so.  If you feel like you must give them a choice, limit the options: "orange drink or milk? . . .nuggets or hamburger?" Not saying "what do you want?"

6. The drive-thru lane isn't a trash can.

Your ashes will go in my face if you flick them out the window.  If you pour your left over soda out, bees will be attracted and will probably come in my window.  If you throw your cups and trash out, someone has to clean it up.  Yes, they get paid to clean up the lot but get real, folks.  They aren't your personal maids.  There are trash cans every few parking spots.  Throw your trash in there.

7.  Windshield wipers aren't magic.

The water must go somewhere.  If you have them on high, the water will most probably splatter right in my face.  Scratch that: the water does go right in my face.  Don't be a moron and think they are like little towels or dryers and the water just evaporates.  Don't make the lady at the window look at you like you're said moron and just turn the off when you get to the window. 

8.  Your screaming children aren't precious.

Granted, you may think so, but no one else does.  Just because you're in your car doesn't mean I can't hear them.  I don't want to hear them.  Sure, I know some kids cry for no reason.  I get that you can't always control that, but if you can't hear me over them and vice versa, pull out of line until they calm down.  Yelling back at them . . . well, see number 4.

9. Dually trucks, diesel trucks, loud motors, and boats are annoying.

Really annoying and really inconsiderate.  If you're not a farmer (or rancher), why are you even driving one of those trucks to begin with?  And don't act like you don't know that A).  They're effing loud and B). You aren't capable of speaking over them.  Shut the motor off or park and come in.

Boats make me want to scream.  If you can't drive with a boat, don't come through drive-thru with a boat.  Even if you can, just . . .don't.  They take up room that other cars could be in and they mess up our speakers.  Again, park it.

So that's it. really.  I will probably think of more things being as I'm working on my long stretch before a long weekend and I work the drive-thru everyday this week.  Now, I know some of it was harsh but it needed to be said. . .for the sake of my sanity.

Sunday Sermons

"Sunday, damn Sunday."
-Bus Driver (Petals in the Wind, V.C. Andrews)

I have a love for all things beautiful and nothing is more beautiful than a little old lady dressed up for Sunday sermon, with a Bible tattered and faded from years of reading, and carting her multitude of grandchildren behind her.  It makes me wish we still lived in a time when she'd have them tied to her with a piece of string, walking down the road to church.  Instead, her string has turned into a mini-van, and they're fighting over what kind of biscuit they want their granny to buy them at the drive-thru.  Even that can't take away from the beauty that is years of hardcore faith and resilience. 

That being said . . .

"Sunday, damn Sunday."  The day when the hypocrites that put Granny to shame come out in droves.  I'm sorry, but if you party all weekend, come through my window smelling of alcohol and looking blitzed out of all comprehension, please don't post things about being "blessed" on Sunday.  You are not blessed.  You are making a mockery of Christianity.

Yes, I understand that it isn't our place to judge but one has to wonder what kind of message this sends to other people.  Such as "I can do what I want Monday-Saturday and act like a saint on Sunday."  No, no, you can't.  I'm calling you out on it, right now. It's when you aren't ashamed of your religion Monday-Saturday and can walk in to a Sunday sermon knowing that you haven't been living a lie that you'll really be blessed-crying like a baby, singing, shouting, rejoicing Grandma blessed.

For the sake of the never-doubting grandmas who spend hours a week praying with faithful hope, for the years spent carting your dirty, rotten butts to church every Sunday, just . . .stop.